Do you have problems?
Don’t lie. I know you do. Who doesn’t?
That is why I’m thrilled to announce my upcoming advice column right here, in your favorite on-campus, paper-based news source (which, I will just assume is the Etownian. ‘Cause really, what else is there? That’s what I thought, y’all).
Now, I’m used to dishing out my folksy, “down home” wisdom one on one—usually with a cuppa coffee and a dash of sass, but letters work just as well.
You get a little tough love in printed format, I get a chunk of the paper with my name on it here and there. Everyone wins, man!
Are friends ruffling your feathers? I’ve so been there.
Are you struggling with campus living, or have classes been getting you down? Totally been there, too.
Relationship troubles? Honey, I’ve been there and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
All your questions will be kept completely anonymous, whether received via our submission box, which will be soon be conveniently located in the mail room or through an upcoming feature at www.etownian.com! Be on the look out for flyers too, rehashing this info for those of you who aren’t paying attention.
Should everything go well, y’all could reap the benefits of my textual wisdom every week! We at the Etownian are relying on your participation to make this “legitimate advice column” scheme work. (Okay, fine, so it’s mostly me counting y’all.)
Are you pumped, students of Elizabethtown College? I, for one, am completely jazzed.
We’ll laugh (hopefully), we’ll cry (well, I probably will) and we’ll learn a lot—it’ll be fabulous (definitely)!
So write in. I’ll give you the best advice I’ve got. Sadly, however, without the coffee. Well… maybe not for you. I prefer to be caffeinated at all times.