It is great to be back writing for the Etownian this semester. But I was having trouble picking what my first article should be about; especially since there has been so much to talk about in the last few months. So I decided to do something a little different this week by doing a rapid fire opinion article that covers a smorgasbord of different topics. Sort of an all-you-can-think buffet of thoughts. So, without further ado, let’s eat. (Elbows off the table, grandma!)
Jay-Z and Beyonce
Beyonce welcomed her first child into the world in the beginning of January. It seemed like tabloids had been salivating for weeks like one of Pavlov’s dogs waiting to see what the name of the super couple’s offspring would be (And you only thought Pavlov references came from lame psych professors). And then finally they were granted their treat when the bell rang that Beyonce and Jay-Z named their baby Blue Ivy. Really? BLUE IVY? That does not sound like a child’s name. It sounds more like an STD or a drug teenagers do at a rave. I expected way better from Beyonce and Jay-Z on this one. But I guess it really doesn’t matter what that baby is named. Either way her life is automatically going to be amazing because of who her parents are. She could be named “Toilet” or “Bagel” and still be way more successful than I will ever be.
Oh and I know Beyonce’s name needs an accent at the end, but, honestly, I just don’t know how to do it on Microsoft Word. Kind of like how celebrities don’t know how to name their kids (“Oh, I see what he did there”).
It seemed like it was the holiday break of celebrity divorces. And I say that in a somber but not surprised way. No other divorce was bigger than the split between Katy Perry and Russell Brand. There were rumors that the couple was on the rocks for the longest time. Apparently Brand was not happy with the party lifestyle Perry had been leading. I mean, I don’t want to pick sides on this one, but when a recovering sex and drug addict tells you that you need to tone the partying back a little bit, I think he may have a point.
Kobe Bryant and his wife finally ended, which was a divorce nine years in the making. I am not sure why they divorced, but if his sexual assault case back in ’03 wasn’t grounds for divorce, then I don’t even want to know what he did this time. Another notable divorce was Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, which now really makes those Nikon commercials, where Ashton just took photos of girls, seem very realistic.
I’m glad that the Giants won the Superbowl. Mostly because I did not want to see the Patriots win another championship. Tom Brady can already wear as many rings as Johnny Depp. Either way, we all kind of lost, because Madonna was the halftime act.
Lady Gaga at Port’s?!
As most of us know, Lady Gaga moved to Lititz recently (or as the NBC news refers to as Le-tits) with her significant other. Many of us are excited to have such a huge star in our area, but no one foresaw Gaga showing up to one of college students’ favorite bars in the area, Portabella’s.
Allegedly, she attended Port’s Wednesday night on February first (clearly pre-gaming for Groundhog Day). The news that Gaga was at Port’s spread on our campus like the common cold in a day care. Honestly, it did surprise me that one of pop culture’s biggest icons was at Port’s, a place where townies and college students peacefully coexist. I am surprised people even recognized what Lady Gaga looked like. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to pick her out of a field of dinosaurs, eggs or peacocks. Either way we know she is here, so now how do we get her to come to the finest dining Elizabethtown has to offer in Lucky Ducks and Rockwell’s?