Disgruntled junior mourns the loss of College’s favorite event

Ellen Wilson April 24, 2013 0

et’s all take a moment of silence to mourn the loss of one of the most important aspects of Elizabethtown College’s campus culture.

I don’t even need to say it; you all know what I’m talking about. KĀV dances have been cancelled, never to be heard of again. I don’t know if it’s forever, or just for the rest of this semester, or if they’ll only be held on “special occasions” like Homecoming and TGIS. All I know is that my heart is broken.

I don’t even know how you’re reading this through your tears. My hands are shaking with grief.

And cancelled for the most ridiculous reason – lack of interest. We all loved the dances. We lived for them. We went to every single one that was held, dressed to the nines in short skirts/pajamas and, perhaps, a can in hand for some sort of charity/free entry. This, my friends, is a conspiracy. Lack of interest?

Tell that to the handsy bros who travelled in packs about the dance floor, grasping with clingy fingers anyone vaguely female who didn’t explicitly tell them to go away. Because I don’t know about you, but there was not a lack of interest on their part. Who are they going to wreak their desperation on now?

Tell that to the sweat that gleefully flung itself from bodies to meet others of its kind on the floor. How are they going do that now? A whole species of justdontlookatthefloorus is headed for extinction. And pardon my French, but that’s a godd**n shame.

Tell that to the loners doing weird dances in the corner, kicking and snapping and convulsing. Little did they know that they were on the fast track for a lifetime of folk music festivals, faith healings and/or interpretive dance scrimmages. Where are their opportunities to make others uncomfortable going to arise now?

Tell that to the Campus Security officers, who went to every dance not because they were obligated to (though they were), but because they loved standing around as reinforcement for such great events.

We’re going to have to find something else to do Sunday mornings midnight to 2 a.m. Will it be an event with music remixed and dubstepped in a way that makes it unpredictable and difficult to dance to? Probably not. Will it be an event that makes you wonder why you’re here, and maybe we should just go to The Bird Feeder instead? Absolutely not. We will never be able to attain the perfection that was the KĀV dances. But we must find something to fill the void in our hearts. Perhaps bowling.

So to whoever cancelled the dances, I have just one thing to say to you: How dare you. How dare you take away something that gave so much to this school.

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