Broke senior offers creative money-saving tips

TEMP ORARY November 18, 2011 0

Sean Deutsch, humor columnist, shares his own "money-saving" tips.

There is no one who is more marginalized in the first world than college students. We are always being exploited for free labor, having our IDs checked and being told to turn our music down. We are stereotyped as people who drink all day and we are all fans of the band Vampire Weekend (I like their latest album “Contra” best, but strong arguments could be made for their self-titled album). We are misunderstood, like those kids at Penn State, who just wanted to have a good old-fashioned riot on a Wednesday night.

To make things worse we don’t know the first thing about managing our bank accounts. Some college students are so irresponsible with their money even the Greeks would be like, “You may need to take another look at that budget.” The problem is a lot of college students are overlooking quick ways to save money. So in response to this financial crisis I listed below some quick tips to help college students start saving money now.

Sell your sh*t on eBay – Students should really utilize eBay to get rid of their useless crap because remember your sh*t is someone else’s treasure. And eBay is a virtual garage sale except everyone is willing to pay more, and no one’s dog is humping your stuffed animals (damn you Pete for ruining my Snoopy!) Craig’s list will also suffice if you enjoy making deals with shadier people on a less reputable website (but hey, it’s your preference).

Collect your change – One of the biggest financial blunders by our society today is the rejection of collecting spare change. And I know, coins are really annoying to carry around in your pocket (your pants become a walking maraca). But collecting your spare change over a long period of time can accumulate into a real revenue boost.

I know some people like to give their change to the homeless but that just doesn’t make any sense to me (haha unintended pun). Giving a homeless man spare change is like giving a grandparent a smart phone; they just won’t know how to use it appropriately.

I suggest you start keeping a coin jar and at the end of every three months turn those coins into cold hard cash. Spending that extra 20 dollars at the liquor store will make you feel a lot better than asking to borrow your parent’s money.

Buy a Brita – Stop going to the store to buy a 35-pack of water that only lasts you two weeks. Buy a Brita water filter and a water bottle and you will be set for the rest of college. Brita filters can be expensive, but it doesn’t compare to the amount of extra money you are wasting on buying plastic water bottles throughout the year. And there are probably some great environmental benefits to using a Brita filter but for those facts I suggest you consult your closest Environmentally Conscious Friend (ECF).

Student discounts – In a fake survey I made up for this article, 7 out of 10 students said they don’t know the locations around campus that gives them a student discount (Can you BELIEVE that?). Student Senate developed the “Passport Program” in 2001 which essentially is a list of businesses around the College campus that agreed to give students a discount as long as they flashed their student ID. Discounts can be found at pretty much every pizza place and hair salon in town (sometimes I feel like all Etown has to offer is pizza and haircuts). The full list of businesses can be found at

Again these are only a few tips out of the many that students can start doing to save money. And the more money we save, the more money we can spend on the useless stuff we think we need. Other tips include carpooling, buying generic brands, and … ah, damn what’s the third one …. oh boy, I pulled a Rick Perry … oops.

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