The Etownian >> Campus Life
Campus Security Blotter
Thursday February 25 2010
A student called Campus Security after walking outside and finding his car vandalized. When Campus Security officers arrived, they found the car covered in soap, shaving cream, peanut butter and soup, with profane messages written along the exterior of the windows. The messages personally attacked the driver of the car, using his name throughout the carnage. However, the perpetrators made one mistake: they vandalized the wrong person’s car. Instead of being hurt, the car’s owner was simply baffled to find someone else’s name all over his vehicle. A disorderly person was found in the A-wing of Ober Residence Hall on Feb. 18. Campus Security received a call from an anonymous former student stating that a drunk person was wandering around the building. Campus Security called the RA on duty, and the situation was resolved.
Campus Security received a call from a female resident at the Schreiber Quadrangle on Friday, Feb. 19, stating that she was being harassed by a raccoon outside. Apparently, the animal followed the student back to the Quads and began making sounds outside of her building. Although the incident occurred at 1 a.m., the student feared that the raccoon may be rabid and could attack someone. However, it was discovered that, like everyone at the Quads, the raccoon was simply intoxicated and looking for a booty call. No alcohol violations were considered, seeing as the raccoon was well over the legal age to drink in human years.
Two students are being considered for alcohol violations after beer was found outside the car in which they were sitting. Campus Security spotted a duffel bag outside of the car with the outline of a beer case inside it. After observing the bag for 20 straight minutes, Security approached the individuals inside the car, who claimed ownership of the alcohol in the bag and admitted to officers that they were under 21.
An SDLC was busted this weekend for holding a party with a keg. Campus Security responded to the house because its fire system was bumped, setting off the alarm. When the officer approached the house, he witnessed 50 students storm out. Once inside, he spotted what appeared to be a beer pong setup in the basement. A keg was found in the basement near the pong table.
(Revised) Rules of the SDLC:
1. Don’t pass out with your shoes on. 2. Never leave a drink half full. 3. Never, ever touch the fire alarm.
The Etownian >> Campus Life